untitled feelings

I’m a writer. At least that’s what I consider myself to be, on good days. I write to express thoughts I can’t say and/or have trouble articulating out loud. I write to express thoughts that I can’t share with anyone else. I write to express thoughts I can ponder over again and again because it is written down in ink. But there are times, times like this, when I just don’t know what I’m feeling. Usually when I’m confused or my thoughts are just straying and jumping from one topic to another, I write in an attempt to stop the disorderly ripples in the water that is my mind. But right now, I just really, truly don’t know. Am I happy? Sad? Excited? Worried? Afraid? Ambivalent? I hate not knowing what I’m feeling. But then again, don’t ripples in water add to its beauty?